In `39 when war begun I thought I`d fight the Hun, br So I left my job as a trainee chef, br And thinking `twould be my lot to become a fighter pilot, br I went along to join the RAF. br br First I had to go before the MO, br He said, “Right fellow take your trousers off, br Let`s make sure your three piece sweet is all working and complete br His hands were freezing and they made me cough br br The bit I liked the best was the intelligence test br The examiner said, “These questions sure are tough, br Tell me what`s one plus one”. I answered three for fun br He said, “You`re wrong fellow but you`re near enough”. br br Then there came the training all the struggle all the straining, br The square bashing, all the bull shine, all the sweat, br But when it came to flying that`s when I came near to dieing, br When the pilot said, “This one you wont forget”. br br He went into a stall that made my belly crawl, br He turned and gave me such a wicked grin, br Then he looped the loop and I felt me eyeballs poop, br And me low balls! what a state that they were in. br br If he had flown two inches lower he`d have hit the bloody tower br I was screaming, “Take me down oh take me down”. br Then his next spin was so tight that me face went ashen white, br And me legs a nasty shade of chocolate brown br br My heart ceased to pound when we touched the ground, br The pilot said, “ I`m not taking you again, br First you start to yell and then that bloody awful smell, br It`s going to take me a week to clean me plane”. br br And so I was demoted and unanimously voted br Worst of all the second raters, br And so for me my war became one bloody awful bore, br Peeling simply millions of taters.