Jesus & Santa - Merry F'ing Christmas (ByZakelis) br br Lyrics: br HEY EVERYBODY, IT'S YOUR BOY J.C. br CHILLIN' WITH SANTA AND A CHRISTMAS TREE br IT'S MY BIRTHDAY - SO IT'S TIME TO HAVE FUN br THE HOLIDAY SEASON HAS JUST BEGUN! br br HO, HO, HO, IT'S JOLLY SAINT NICK br AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE CHRISTMAS YOU CAN SUCK MY D### br I'M AN OLD ASS MAN. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD. br NOW BE A GOOD BOY OR I'LL CUT OFF YOUR HEAD! br br WHOA, SANTA, THAT'S GETTING KINDA VIOLENT br WHY DON'T WE SING ABOUT NIGHTS THAT ARE SILENT? br I JUST WANT Y'ALL TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. br SO SIT BACK, I'LL TURN WATER INTO WINE! br br WINE IS FOR CHILDREN, THAT'S SO LAME. br I'D RATHER TURN SUGAR INTO F###ING COCAINE br "I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA." SHUT UP, JESUS! br I JUST HUNG MISTLETOE ABOVE MY PENIS. br br SMOKIN' UP WITH BOWLS OF HOLLY br I GOT A CARD - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br THIS YEAR I'M GIVING EVERYONE WALL-E br IT WAS ON SALE - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br SANTA'S ACTING KIND OF CRAZY br I'M GETTING SCARED - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br MRS. CLAUS IS A PRETTY LADY br "WATCH IT, JESUS!" SORRY. - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br NOW WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT MY DEER? br YOU MIGHT NOTICE THAT SOME OF THEM AREN'T HERE. br DASHER IS DEAD. PRANCER'S IN REHAB. br DONNER AND BLITZEN BLEW UP IN A METH LAB! br br IT'S A SAD STORY. LET'S KEEP IT LIGHT br AND TALK ABOUT RUDOLPH. "HE DIED LAST NIGHT." br WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE ELVES THAT WORK IN YOUR SHOP? br "THEY DON'T GET PAID AND I'LL KILL THEM IF THEY STOP!" br br OKAY, FINE. LET'S TALK ABOUT LOVE. br ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A BIG FAT HUG! br "AND ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A BRAND NEW YAMAKA. br I'M SICK OF THIS S###, TIME TO CELEBRATE HANUKKAH! br br SANTA, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. "I JUST DID!" br DON'T YOU LIKE COOKIES? "I HATE LITTLE KIDS!" br COME ON, SANTA, YOU'RE MAKING THIS AWKWARD br "DON'T CALL ME SANTA. CALL ME KRIS CLAUSBERG!" br br LET'S ALL HOPE THAT SANTA'S KIDDING br "MAZEL TOV!" - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br LOOK, MY NEW DRADLE IS SPINNING. br "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING." - MERRY F###ING CHRISTMAS br br WHAT IF I GIVE YOU SOME MONEY? br "FINE, I'M BACK.