The pain that I feel br is deep and very dark br it crawls out from my belly br and up into my throat br forcing me to swallow it whole br and sometimes without Vodka br I conceal it from the sight of others br hiding it well underground br from those people love me br But it tricks me br with my own denial of its very existence br Excruciating thoughts br I bury them with my laughter's shovel br Disguised as humor br they feed off of me.... br Sabotaging any attempts br I make at obtaining br the joy which was lost br with the passing of my youth br They demand retribution br for all services they rendered br They call my notes due in full br Banks closed and I am in default br Demanding their payment br in the form of my soul br I bankrupt my savings.... br My soul aches...... br There are no jokes br only sarcasms br they now cannibalize my smiles br with feeble antidotal parables br of starving children in China br and Darwin's theory of evolution br Only the strong survive br and I am destined for extinction br I have outlived my usefulness... br I hunger and I thirst for more than there is... br but more shall not be forthcoming. br Only pain br the pain of being dead....