Public apologies are the new confessional. br br So here goes. br br I apologize for not knowing where to start with my apologies. br br I apologize for being tainted with the sins of Adam. br br I apologize for blaming Eve for the sins of Adam. br br I apologize to the Serpent, who was just following orders. br br I apologize for the seductiveness of ripe apples on the Tree of Knowledge. I just didn’t know at the time. br br I apologize for not taking Genesis 1 literally. br br I apologize for not appreciating the allegorical significance of Genesis 1. br br I apologize for blaming the Jews for crucifying Christ. br br I apologize for not being quicker to blame the relevant parties for the crucifixion of Christ. br br I apologize for not giving independence to America sooner. br br I apologize to the Native Americans for invading their great God’s-own country. br br I apologize to the Native Americans for not stopping them sooner from killing each other’s tribes. br br I apologize for entering into business agreements with the chiefs of certain coastal African tribes to bring their captives from their tribal wars to resolve America’s manpower shortage. br br I apologize for dwelling on the sufferings of my family in the Holocaust, without considering the mental and emotional agony of those obliged to follow orders to massacre them. br br I apologize for messing with Iraq. br br I apologize for not doing a better job of messing with Iraq. br br I apologize for not being Politically Correct. br br I apologize for being Politically Correct. br br I apologize for throwing all these things in your face and encouraging you to feel complicit in my guilt. br br I apologize for not apologizing sooner. br br I apologize for all the things I haven’t the imagination and humanity to apologize for. br br Oh to hell with it.