I let you go into the world, br launched with a kiss from my body's lips; br the cord was cut by alien hands, br and you were part of me no longer, br yet forever part of me. br br I let you go in little ways, br to my parents, to the crèche, br to Sunday School, the nursery, br each painful - but not like today, br as I let you go once more, br straw-hatted, red-blazered, br a 5-year-old parody of an air hostess, br tripping across the tarmac square, br soaring up the schoolroom steps, br to that place where others will teach you br things that I have never known, br where others will feed and comfort you, br soak up your sobs when you hurt yourself. br br I let you go: life starts again, br as now your day is filled by others br so mine is free to find and form br the part of me that is not you - br yet guilt subdues my liberty. br br I let you go, but kid myself; br my chest is gripped by an iron hand, br my concentration disappears, br I snap and swear at stupid drivers, br cry at my partner on the phone, br blame my hormones, think of you - br br and then you return, slightly rumpled; br the picture you hold goes on the fridge, br then, later, in the treasure-box, br for the day I let you go again, br this time for good, to another's care, br and still you will be and will be no longer br forever br part of me.