I don’t want to open my eyes, I don’t want br to face the light, I don’t want to go through br this again, I nearly lost Rudi and I can’t be- br lieve it, he is my hero, my beloved, my best br friend - and he nearly died, I can’t believe br that harm came so near, I can’t accept that br he could have been lost, I am scared of a br world where Rudi’s not safe, where blood- br poisoning became a threat, where even br gangrene was mentioned, I have started br praying for him, always used to believe that br his innate goodness would keep him safe, br now I’m setting up prayers for him br br Concentrating on sending my requests to all br kinds of consciousness and all powers to guard br him, focusing all my trust in this one precondition br that Rudi, my sweetheart, be safe at all times – br I’m scared of accepting his safety, scared that it br will trigger powers against him, I don’t want to do br anything – I heard Juliette whispering - she explained br to Werner why I loved Rudi so, I discovered how br much my she cared for me, I’m so blessed, scared br of acknowledging anything too much, scared of br attracting the attention of evil powers and forces br br Went to hospital, I was scared of rejoicing, watched br Rudi’s face closely, he was smiling, I couldn’t believe br it and started crying, I’m so relieved, Rudi said he was br delighted to see us, thanked us all and promised me he br would return, I can see he will be all-right, I don’t want to br lose him, please understand, I CANNOT lose him, br all powers and forces of goodness and love...