I said: br I'm becoming everyone I know. br Chains of them wrangle and snake br into a starless universe. br I close my eyes, br eclipse everything that's real, br un-bang eternity br and there I all am. br I can barely be me. br Except when I'm humming yesterdays br in the shower in darkness br -a seventeen year old girl at the piano, br fresh from palming her naked breasts br with these compliant hands. br She's playing These Foolish Things, br andante br and we're in God's house - br well, an outpost of it. br And I'm thinking of someone else. br I hear the hammers strike the wires br and some kind of beauty br cascades, engulfs..... br and I am Narcissus, illusion and saint in love br impaled on a perfectly sharpened thorn br a flowing moment of awe - br suddenly snapped by thought... br br br and I whisper to the darkness: br I am my own meme, br my own camouflage. br I am evolution; br I'm every part and every whole; br I am nothing lost for limits br in a log-jammed circle on the desert, br I spill over, am pushed over. br The circle's edge is an endless burning bush. br And I'm scorched by the ocean that repels, br that they clamour for all around me, br and I am wounded and they are whole br in their need, under their false stars, br and I patronise with pity, curse myself, br and fight my way back, br through muddied puddles to the starting line. br To the fiery silver white teeming of night br the child in me grasped falsely - or was it truly - br to the splashing crystal pools that happiness was, br and I say out loud: br br I need a lot more time than this.