Today, I am nearly six. br I am ten steps up the stair, looking in br Through the parlour door at a party. br br I am bad as bad can be. br I have not been the perfect hostess, br Sweet as a chocolate smarty. br br I am a black shark's fin on a chintzy china sea. br A Shirley Temple of girls is worshipping my cake. br br I have dreaded this day all week. br Mother is raging. 'The things I do for your sake, br No nice pink frock when I was wee. br You could pretend to be grateful. br The hours I've spent on invites, icing, games, br Sulk then. Go sit on the stair. br We'll have a party without you. br Don't blame me if the others call you names.' br br Today, I am newly six. br A circus of giggling girls br Is ritually passing the parcel, br Is whooping and laughing and yelling. br br I am ten steps up the stair. br I am bad as bad can be. br From my two bad eyes, two hot wet tears are spilling. br I am wrapping my arms round my sides to hug me better. br I want to rub myself out, like a squiggly letter. br br In my two bad eyes, the sadness drops keep filling.. br I am dressed like a lamb on a sacrificial plate. br The jellies are spiked with spite, are laced with hate. br br I am newly six. I am bad as bad can be, br Sitting way out on a limb, at six, sixteen or sixty, br Feet of clay, and a heart of rusty tin, br Ten steps up the stair, br On the outside, looking in.