I remember as a child people would talk br about getting old and they would say their bones rattled br I don't know if I just get different types of aches than them br but my bones never rattle br so much as they just carry the dull ache of age br wherever I go br I don't go too many places these days br they deliver enough to my house br and I spend a good amount of time by myself br Occasionally I do think br it would be nice to have some company br especially when it snows and I don't even br have the option of leaving br Honestly though, I think I resigned myself br to being alone a long time ago br Somehow I knew that the things I did br and the life I led would catch up with me br I knew I would find myself alone br the people who cared about me long gone br either because I outlived them br or they were too hurt to stay br I had this image of myself at a very old age br sitting on a porch, my tired, weathered eyes br taking in sunsets with a tired, bittersweet smile br Each sunset is it's own insular miracle br and each time I see one it reminds me br of how little we understand br how much of this cosmic mystery br will never be accounted for br I was always better at appreciating that br than I was at understanding people br especially those close to me br and for that I am sorrybr br Charles Darklybr br