The suffering of my youth br reawakens and reappears. br I need to transcend it. br I hope my mawkishness will br get me past it... br br The pain I feel br is like flames of burning walls br that need to be replenished br in the sea of life, br br Because I exist with no goal br or course of action br and just pain br heckling my doomed life... br br It's not easy deteriorating, br being depressed and shuffling moods, br I never know what to expect br from even myself... br br I have an array of moods br and feelings, br sometimes a new one each day... br br There's no consistency to depth of thought... br br It manipulates me...I can't contain it br I just hope and pray br for balance and adjustment, br with even tempered structure br edged with trust...