You happened to me. I was happened to br like an abandoned building by a bull- br dozer, like the van that missed my skull br happened a two-inch gash across my chin. br You were as deep down as I've ever been. br You were inside me like my pulse. A new- br born flailing toward maternal heartbeat through br the shock of cold and glare: when you were gone, br swaddled in strange air I was that alone br again, inventing life left after you. br br I don't want to remember you as that br four o'clock in the morning eight months long br after you happened to me like a wrong br number at midnight that blew up the phone br bill to an astronomical unknown br quantity in a foreign currency. br The U.S. dollar dived since you happened to me. br You've grown into your skin since then; you've grown br into the space you measure with someone br you can love back without a caveat. br br While I love somebody I learn to live br with through the downpulled winter days' routine br wakings and sleepings, half-and-half caffeine- br assisted mornings, laundry, stock-pots, dust- br balls in the hallway, lists instead of longing, trust br that what comes next comes after what came first. br She'll never be a story I make up. br You were the one I didn't know where to stop. br If I had blamed you, now I could forgive br you, but what made my cold hand, back in prox- br imity to your hair, your mouth, your mind, br want where it no way ought to be, defined br by where it was, and was and was until br the whole globed swelling liquefied and spilled br through one cheek's nap, a syllable, a tear, br was never blame, whatever I wished it were. br You were the weather in my neighborhood. br You were the epic in the episode. br You were the year poised on the equinox.