For Jews, the Cossacks are always coming. br Therefore I think the sun spot on my arm br is melanoma. Therefore I celebrate br New Year's Eve by counting br my annual dead. br br My mother, when she was dying, br spoke to her visitors of books br and travel, displaying serenity br as a form of manners, though br I could tell the difference. br br But when I watched you planning br for a life you knew br you'd never have, I couldn't explain br your genuine smile in the face br of disaster. Was it denial br br laced with acceptance? Or was it br generations of being English-- br Brontë's Lucy in Villette br living as if no fire raged br beneath her dun-colored dress. br br I want to live the way you did, br preparing for next year's famine with wine br and music as if it were a ten-course banquet. br But listen: those are hoofbeats br on the frosty autumn air.