If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am: br I'm a genuine philanthropist - all other kinds are sham. br Each little fault of temper and each social defect br In my erring fellow-creatures, I endeavour to correct. br To all their little weaknesses I open people's eyes, br And little plans to snub the self-sufficient I devise; br I love my fellow-creatures - I do all the good I can - br Yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man! br And I can't think why! br br To compliments inflated I've a withering reply, br And vanity I always do my best to mortify; br A charitable action I can skilfully dissect; br And interested motives I'm delighted to detect.