There lived a King, as I've been told br In the wonder-working days of old, br When hearts were twice as good as gold, br And twenty times as mellow. br Good temper triumphed in his face, br And in his heart he found a place br For all the erring human race br And every wretched fellow. br When he had Rhenish wine to drink br It made him very sad to think br That some, at junket or at jink, br Must be content with toddy: br He wished all men as rich as he br (And he was rich as rich could be), br So to the top of every tree br Promoted everybody. br br Ambassadors cropped up like hay, br Prime Ministers and such as they br Grew like asparagus in May, br And Dukes were three a penny: br Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats, br And Bishops in their shovel hats br Were plentiful as tabby cats - br If possible, too many. br On every side Field-Marshals gleamed, br Small beer were Lords-Lieutenants deemed, br With Admirals the ocean teemed, br All round his wide dominions; br And Party Leaders you might meet br In twos and threes in every street br Maintaining, with no little heat, br Their various opinions. br br That King, although no one denies, br His heart was of abnormal size, br Yet he'd have acted otherwise br If he had been acuter. br The end is easily foretold, br When every blessed thing you hold br Is made of silver, or of gold, br You long for simple pewter.