They spoke of Progress spiring round, br Of light and Mrs Humphrey Ward-- br It is not true to say I frowned, br Or ran about the room and roared; br I might have simply sat and snored-- br I rose politely in the club br And said, `I feel a little bored; br Will someone take me to a pub?' br br The new world's wisest did surround br Me; and it pains me to record br I did not think their views profound, br Or their conclusions well assured; br The simple life I can't afford, br Besides, I do not like the grub-- br I want a mash and sausage, `scored'-- br Will someone take me to a pub? br br I know where Men can still be found, br Anger and clamorous accord, br And virtues growing from the ground, br And fellowship of beer and board, br And song, that is a sturdy cord, br And hope, that is a hardy shrub, br And goodness, that is God's last word-- br Will someone take me to a pub? br br Envoi br Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword br To see the sort of knights you dub-- br Is that the last of them--O Lord br Will someone take me to a pub?br br Gilbert Keith Chestertonbr br