If you called me 'two-dimensional', I guess br I'd go away and think about it - is he br insulting me and if so, how? br br Though in a sense, all of us here in cyberspace br are two dimensional, to each other? br br There's one time, though, when two dimensions br would be a blessing: like today, br when the cutely photographed brochure br for IKEA, the flat-pack furniture giant, br thudded through the letterbox br with its cosy nordic world as fresh and clean and scented br as a newly-built sauna just fired up; br br then the two-dimensional me br could simply slip like a well-trained bookmark br between page 24 - 'a welcoming family room' br and page 25 - 'a bathroom to relax in' br with a pine-scented sigh of relief br that I wouldn't have to drive ten miles, br queue out of sight of the parking-lot just to get in, br then after checking what was out of stock, br go home and try to put the bloody thing together br despite the missing bolt. br br You'll find me there on page 25, br under the artfully arranged bubbles, relaxing br in my carefree, blond and nordic way, br smiling the smug smile br of the sterile two-dimensional.