I tried to talk to him one Winter br when my mother was in the hospital br He was sitting in the parlor chair br taking a puff of his Camel cigarette br holding it firm between his fingers br like a half-eaten long pretzel, br you know the kind you could br buy for a nickel back then. br By the time I got his attention, br he looked at me and told me br it was time for bed, and would I br mind getting up early to put the br toys under the Christmas tree, my br brother and sister were still young. br br I remember early mornings br the radiator in my room br would be swelting hot br and I could hear him downstairs br talking to my mother, the smell br of coffee, fresh and fragrant, my br father rushing around the house br He always br wore green khakis. br br I dreamt of him taking me horse br back riding, his favorite daughter. He br would wear chaps and I would be br fancy in English velvet coats.We would ride br over meadow and countryside br only stopping to drink hot tea out br of his tall work thermos.