My freshly washed hair is still damp against my scalp br Bound by a plastic jaw with a squeaky hinge br In a knot that’s so tight it feels my ears are pulled back. br br The air conditioning hums innocently, oblivious br To the tiny goose bumps raised along my nutty brown arms br And the hum in my head switches to a dull throb. br br So many questions and half finished sentences br Swim frantically searching for a shore to lie panting on br They’re being chased by accusations waiting to attack. br br There’s a fair dose of guilt waiting in the wings br Tallying up the who hurt whom, how much and why br To figure when exactly this friendship became a job. br br It’s not you, it’s me, and we’ve grown apart slowly br The lines sound hollow, they won’t fit this time br Cowardice suggests walking away as a simple option. br br I think why not confront instead, spill out the things br That I’ve left unsaid, clenching teeth, faking smiles br When I’d rather just have shaken her by the shoulders. br br All those random words crowd my mind as I hear br My fingernails clicking against the keyboard br And slowly my anger gives way to gumption. br br I don’t want to end this connection on a bad note br Let irritation ruin a symphony of good times br Strew this path with a series of emotional boulders. br br So I swallow my rage and instead calm my thoughts br With rationalisations about longing and loneliness br And how an emptiness was trying to be filled. br br I feel generous even though it weighs on me br And I sigh with regret about my decision br To let this grudge trudge on, instead of it being killed.