Ladies and Gentlemen, br this is my first poetry reading br and I’m very nervous br and nearly cancelled tonight br br but I spoke about this to br a friend who’s a therapist br and he said, br this is what you do, br br you imagine the audience br in front of you br all in their underwear br (as you probably are; but br without the outer layer) br with the men br wearing the most idiotic br flowered Hawaiian br two sizes too large br boxer shorts br and the ladies br in the frumpiest br underwear br you can imagine br br apparently it works br br so if I look at you, ladies and gentlemen, br somewhat strangely br from time to time br or giggle uncontrollably br or my eyes rest on you personally br as if we’re sharing some huge br x-ray joke, br br please forgive me br and understand br that’s it for your benefit br as well as mine br and that you will have put your outerwear br back on br in the interval br before the next poem br br I hope this is OK with you br and nobody’s too embarrassed br in fact you could do the same trick br with me if it’s br any help br and now br I think I’ve said enough as br I’m OK now br how about you? br br br (For maximum effect, pause noticeably at the end of each line) br br br (with thanks to Ernestine for the idea)br br Michael Shepherdbr br