Bending over the sink br I can feel the throbbing of my pulse in my ears. br The fear of what I'll see when I look in the mirror br keeps me rinsing for a few extra minutes br seeking comfort in the warm rush of water br over my head. br br It's time. br It's time to release her br and feel no shame. br br Out of the corner of my eye br the washcloth smudged with tans, pinks, and black br reminds me how much I've grown to count on br this disguise. br The safety of blonde hair washes down the drain br too quickly to stop it once it's started. br The blonde will be gone when I stand up. br The last shield from my true self...removed. br I grab a towel in the hopes of delaying the sight br I've dreaded since I was fourteen. br br Standing up I see a woman in the mirror br looking back at me with a probing stare. br She had been hiding for so long br behind haircolor and makeup. br Finally she is free. br Today I stand here looking at her br naked faced with her natural haircolor br for the first time since childhood br and I hear myself say... br ''So this is what I would've looked like br if I hadn't hated myself.