On her mantelpiece br br I reach intriguingly for the real skull br br with the cheap fake plastic snake br shoved through an eye socket br br for grotesque Gothic effect! br br “Ah! Aggh! S*h! Wot de...? ” br br “Careful...! ” she smiled. br br “The skull is false...the snake is real! ” br br “He’s called Rodney...he’s a real little pet! ” br br “Mmm...X...oh...babeeee...oh...who does Mummy love? ” br br “Yes...yesssss! ” br br “Did the big bad man scare you? ” br br “Yessszzzzzzzz! ” br br (Scare you...scare you...he almost scared me to death!) br br “Bastard! ” br I utter under my breath. br br 'He's.. lovely! ' br I lie. br br 'Oh, I just knew...you two would get on...look...he likes you! ' br br Rodney sticks his tongue out at me...flickers it menacingly. br br All night he keeps a beady eye on me br ...hisses as we kiss. br br Slithers between us when we dare to touch. br br Oh, God... br just my luck! br br I'm in the Garden of Eden with Eve br with a snake hell bent br br on seeing his love rival off. br br 'Reptiles...slimy... slimy things...ya just can't trust 'em! ' br I think to myself. br br 'Male Humans.. slimy... slimy things...