I find myself br still as awkward br as I was when I was 10. br I find there's times br I avoid people alot, br over and over again. br I find some br that I'd like to be with br and think that hey, maybe I'm ok. br After awhile though, br I'm back lonely again br as friends drift away. br It isn't like me br to stop someone and ask br if they'd give me the reason. br I know life's br flux and people's needs br change with the seasons. br But these friends br come and go too quickly br and momentarily I'm flattered... br only to later feel br left out, forgotten, and abandoned, br wondering if I ever really mattered. br br Sometimes I get br the feeling that maybe br they can see what I feared it to be... br That this lonely br girl is the problem, and the common br denominator in this... is me. br People like me br ask for no pity, nor want br it ever to waste your time. br It wasn't hard, was it, br for you the more socially-adept one, br to become a friend of mine? br This is not so for me br and when you came along, br pity was not what I asked for. br I was just hoping br that maybe you could stay awhile br ...and I ask of nothing more. br br I write this br not of anyone in particular br but as a time-tested truth br Of how it is br or what it's like to be me br ever since I was a youth. br It may sound sad br but the truth of it is, br I've gotten really quite used to br being 'the pal' br one minute, and then the next br I'm wondering, 'What did I do? ' br And everyday br I go about my usual, br pretending that this doesn't affect me... br yet here I am br at 3 in the morning, writing, br again wearing my heart on my sleeve.