You sit with eyes glued to the screen br watching a little beam br in a box br that talks. br Your eyes go perpendicular br and a haze comes over you br the TV madness has got through. br br The haze then forms into shapes br of Coronation Street and Ben Casey br as an operation begins on Ena by Kildare br while the Invisible Man sits unnoticed in a chair. br When the TV goes funny, br you hit it like hell br afraid of missing Alf Garnet’s famous yell. br br Then comes The Man In The Suitcase br who has such a squeeze br and is nearly blown away br by a Laurel and Hardy sneeze. br The posh blundering Avengers are back once more, br but need help from The Man From Uncle to open the door. br br After this tumbling torso, you see, br you turn into a schizophrenic like me, br with perpendicular eyeballs br pink and blue stripes on your chest. br Don’t go to the Doctors, br as there is no cure for TV madness.