When you are older with a place of your own br I will come and visit at awkward moments, br and lean on the doorbell until you answer. br I shall piss over your toilet seat, the carpet, br and probably up the walls as well. br I shall dropp my clothes randomly br throughout your public rooms, br and play with myself where the neighbours can see. br Your loved one I shall insult br at the most inappropriate moments. br I shall talk loudly and often during br your favourite programmes and lose the br remote so you cannot record them for later. br I will spit with precision down the banisters br and shut the cat in the room with the best rug br and a very full bladder. However, the br likelihood being that (should I survive br that long) you will choose my care home br and have power of attorney over my pension, br perhaps I shall content myself with br shuffling around muttering nonsense, br smelling of wee, and feigning deafness br when there are jobs needing done. You br could be mine, after all.