The problem is metaphoric; br I live inside lines br which only approximate br but do not satisfy. br br I'm symbol and artifact br but lack the substance of reality; br br I kiss sometimes imitating br how the book says I should. br br I talk br imitating br my favorite br movie star. br br The difficulty is br I can remember br deciding what kind of personality br I would have at 13; br something low maintenance br I thought; br br I'm not naturally effusive; br rather shy br so I decided to be low-key br and mysterious br and attract attention like that. br br My look is straight br from the comic book character br I most admired at 10. br br Hasn't changed much. br br I don't know really how to love br but feel most in love br when I think about it br br when I think I have gotten a bargain br in the other person; br you know br getting away with something; br br That person is better looking than br me-a bargain br has more friends than me br has more to offer than me; br so me with him br is a bargain. br br I know I should feel more br in love and friendship br br but I don't really. br br So I send cards and gifts. br br I know I should be a better parent br so I buy and just follow the books; br as long as I do what they say br no one can criticize me. br br You see what I mean? br All Metaphor.