I've heard that call- br inaudible sometimes- br that siren call br to go and do br what br I know I shouldn't do; br knowing that if I do br br it cannot after br be undone; br this is familiar to me like a brother br close to me like a sister; br I know its outlines; br br its face is clear br and yet br I receive it br on a level br below consciousness; br its cloying cleaves br and leaves me helpless br without thought. br br I am there br doing again br what I'd promised br I'd never do br again- br weak in the knees; br br If light smashed through my hidden door br it would find me once again inside br in the dark feeding ashamedly br at the forbidden trough br br greed is there too br not just helplessness; br it is hunger for a food br which does not nourish; br br for escape br to an escape-less island; br to phony Hope br and Pride br br that I know br that I know br will next day br come crashing down. br br Only please- br if you think of me br pray not only I can br and will resist; br br pray that my ears close br and I hear br no call br at all; br br bring me just once br oblivious bliss br br which is the peace I crave; br br the peace without struggle, br where inside br my soul will br uncover its hidden face; br br and for the first time br br touch toe to water br and comes for the first time br to exist.