I have this struggle with authenticity; br it pounds away at my consciousness, br br I'm not really comfortable anywhere br and don't have much to say, br feel most alive br when over-emoting br or when yelling or screaming br being resentful too br feels better br than not being anything at all. br br Some times I dip my oar br in the water br but refuse to row; br br click on my passive face br and try not to count in the world; br br cherish my secret secrets br which no one knows; br create my secret club br of just me and I- br a club of one. br br I have this struggle with authenticity br just trying to find my way br to feel things out br trying to grow up br and be something, br anything br that feels real.