A single picture has brought it all back again. br I can smell the smells br and hear the sounds br as though it were yesterday br and not the ancient history of my youth. br br I close my eyes and feel his hot breath on my face, br its sickenly sweet smell nauseats me. br His unshaven face touches mine br and I retch as the memory overwhelms me. br br I can almost feel the cool air blowing in the tent br I hear the sound of cars going by, br a hundred, br a thousand, br one, br ...God, br rushing off br going by br unaware br not knowing br oblivious br to my struggle br and the hot red pain br as I am awakened br My innocent, not lost, but stolen br (the awakening came) br like the shock of a rapier piercing the heart of a novice fencer. br or a sun soaked body thrown into an icy river … br I was stunned by the revelation br paralyzed, br numbed br and mute. br All the whispers and snickers br Jibes and insinuations br Came into focus in an instant br I understood br Like adam, I am not nude, but naked on the inside br Shame, like a jacket falls on me, and I put it on br For it fits so well br Humiliation hangs over me and bends my head down low br My soul like clay was shaped by ugly hands br Disfigured, damaged dysfunctional forever br br I looked into his eyes and I think “betrayed again”, br Treacherous brown eyes seem to follow me br Waiting for me, br I was foolish enough to be open and vulnerable, br gushing like a school girl with raw emotion.