'I might be dead' she said br 'or just maybe not fully alive br I hate this in-between state.' br . br 'Perhaps you are neither; I said br 'perhaps you are just bored unto a numbness that feels like death. br Numb makes you want to react so you br overcompensate with a strained vivaciousness.' br br 'Yes that is it because' she said 'I became 'perky' and outgoing br which was just the opposite of what I actually felt br but I was very good at it and at times I would forget. br and think that 'perky' was me. br That face would leave me especially at night br and I would begin to doubt again as to my true state, br dead, alive or in between. br br 'So what do you think is the thing to do? ' I said br br 'Well dead and perky is not something I now see is sustainable. br So bored is the face of my dilemma br and the cure for boredom is circumstance and clear goals br but I don't seem to have any that I can discern. br br I don't seem to have any talent or passion which drives me forward. br I rise up only to fall back into the ditch br feeling phoney. br br There is nothing which moves me. br What I am to do? br 'Well' I said 'tell me about the boredom, its sounds interesting to me.