I WISH I’d never gone to board br In that house where I met br The touring lady from abroad, br Who mocks my nightmares yet. br I wish—I wish that she had saved br Her news of what she’d seen— br That Dan O’Connor is clean shaved br And parts his hair between. br br The ladies down at Manly now— br And widows understood— br No more deplore their marriage vow br Or hopeless widowhood. br For Dan O’Connor is the same br As though he’d never been, br Since Daniel shaved that shave of shame, br And combed his hair between. br br No more, Oh Bards, in Danyel tones br He’ll voice our several fames, br And nevermore he’ll mix our bones br As once he mixed our names. br Let Southern minstrels dree their weird br And lay their sad harps down, br For Dan O’Connor’s shorn of beard br And cracked across the crown. br br The lobby and refreshment room br Are shorn of half their larks, br A newer ghost now haunts the gloom br That knew the ghost of Parkes: br The brightest joke Australia had br Is but a hopeless grunt— br It went for ever mad and bad br When Daniel shaved his front. br br The fair Spotswhoshky weeps indeed— br Frogsleggi and Bung Lung— br With none to greet and none to speed br Them in their native tongue! br By Sucklar Key nor Golden Gate br No Dan is ever seen br Since Dan O’Connor wiped his “slate” br And notched his top between. br br But—Dan O’Connor—(Lord knows best br The thing might be a sell)— br You surely will forgive a jest br From one who wished you well— br When we’ve forgot the face we feared br And Time has deadened pain, br Oh! Dan O’Connor, grow your beard, br And come to us again.