Who will wed the Dowager’s youngest daughter, br The Captain? filled with ale? br He moored his expected boat to a stake in the water br And stumbled on sea-legs into the Hall for mating, br Only to be seduced by her lady-in-waiting, br Round-bosomed, and not so pale. br br br Or the thrifty burgher in boots and fancy vest br With considered views of marriage? br By the tidy scullery maid he was impressed br Who kept that house from depreciation and dirt, br But wife does double duty and takes no hurt, br So he rode her home in his carriage. br br br Never the spare young scholar antiquary br Who was their next resort; br They let him wait in the crypt of the Old Library br And found him compromised with a Saxon book, br Claiming his truelove Learning kept that nook br And promised sweet disport. br br br Desirée (of a mother’s christening) never shall wed br Though fairest child of her womb; br “We will have revenge,” her injured Ladyship said, br “Henceforth the tightest nunnery be thy bed br By the topmost stair! When the ill-bred lovers come br We’ll say, She is not at home.