Clarence Lee from Tennessee br Loved the commercials he saw on TV. br He watched with wide believing eyes br And bought everything they advertised -- br Cream to make his skin feel better br Spray to make his hair look wetter br Bleach to make his white things whiter br Stylish jeans that fit much tighter. br Toothpaste for his cavities, br Powder for his doggie's fleas, br Purple mouthwash for his breath, br Deodorant to stop his sweat. br He bought each cereal they presented, br Bought each game that they invented. br Then one day he looked and saw br 'A brand-new Maw, a better Paw! br New, improved in every way -- br Hurry, order yours today!' br So, of course, our little Clarence br Sent off for two brand-new parents. br The new ones cam in the morning mail, br The old ones he sold at a garage sale. br And now they all are doing fine: br His new folks treat him sweet and kind, br His old ones work in an old coal mine. br So if your Maw and Paw are mean, br And make you eat your lima beans br And make you wash and make you wait br And never let you stay up late br And scream and scold and preach and pout, br That simply means they're wearing out. br So send off for two brand-new parents br And you'll be happy as little Clarence.