with apologies to Lord Tennyson br br O swallow-tailed purveyor of college sprees, br O skilled to please the student fraternity, br Most honoured publican of Scotland, br Milton, a name to adorn the Cross Keys; br Whose chosen waiters, Samuel, Archibald, br Helped by the boots and marker at billiards, br Wait, as the smoke-filled, crowded chamber br Rings to the roar of a Gaelic chorus— br Me rather all those temperance hostelries, br The soda siphon fizzily murmuring, br And lime fruit juice and seltzer water br Charm, as a wanderer out in South Street, br Where some recruiting, eager Blue-Ribbonites br Spied me afar and caught by the Post Office, br And crimson-nosed the latest convert br Fastened the odious badge upon me.