In vain you fervently extol, br In vain you puff, your cutty clay. br A twelvemonth smoked and black as coal, br 'Tis redolent of rank decay br And bones of monks long passed away— br A fragrance I do not admire; br And so I hold my nose and say, br Give me a finely seasoned briar. br br Macleod, whose judgment on the whole br Is faultless, has been led astray br To nurse a high-born meerschaum bowl, br For which he sweetly had to pay. br Ah, let him nurse it as he may, br Before the colour mounts much higher, br The grate shall be its fate one day. br Give me a finely seasoned briar. br br The heathen Turk of Istamboul, br In oriental turban gay, br Delights his unbelieving soul br With hookahs, bubbling in a way br To fill a Christian with dismay br And wake the old Crusading fire. br May no such pipe be mine, I pray; br Give me a finely seasoned briar. br br Clay, meerschaum, hookah, what are they br That I should view them with desire? br Both now, and when my hair is grey, br Give me a finely seasoned briar.