Mental cramp, when deciding, all muscles br tense, sharp pain shooting through my head br burning in my ears, suffocating slowly, forcing br me to stop, become catatonic, I need another br personality to lead my life, my current ego br is Damasio* damaged, cannot function br br When life became too painful, Eileen Garret* fell br asleep, I think I could sleep a hundred years, I br need another shock to wake another personality to br live my life since the me sitting here cannot work br at all, every thought painful, every moment filled br with fear, pain like lightning in my head br br I’m on the brink of tears, now how to let a strong br alter ego take my place, without help, nothing gets br done, falling deeper down the Rabbit Hole*, spinning br faster within the Abyss, the deep, ice-cold, pitch- br black hole of Nothingness… br br br *Dr Damasio described how an iron rod penetrated br Phineas Gage’s brain and he lost the ability to make br decisions as he could not determine priorities, his br emotional intelligence quotient was irrevocably injured br br *Eileen Garret – Irish medium who discovered she could br escape severe physical punishment by falling asleep br br *Rabbit Hole – Now almost a universal symbol for the br experience of losing control and finding a strange world br full of unexpected events, originally created by Lewis br Carrol in “Alice in Wonderland”br br Margaret Alicebr br