ALCOHOLICS UNANIMOUS br br The head of blended Spirits br saw his future looking bleak. br The case sales for Scotch Whiskey br trended downward week to week br br What was the cause of this decline? br Why were sales weak as water? br To find out he relied upon br his party loving daughters. br br When they reported back to him br He nearly died from shock: br Folks weren’t merely “buying down” br because they were in hock. br br Instead they met in basement clubs br And sat on folding chairs br Pouring out their troubles br To such strangers as were there. br br They told him of a program br That sounded like a cult: br Twelve steps to salvation- br Start with putting down the cup. br br They said the former customers br Had mentors they could call br To talk them out of drinking br if they longed for alcohol. br br The head of blended spirits br Hatched a bold and daring plan- br ALCOHOLICS UNANIMOUS br “The Friends of Old Grand Dad” br br They’d meet in clubs and taverns br As you might surmise br And sponsored “beer pong” tournaments br with Whiskey as the prize. br br The new club had its mentors too br Conveniently right in town br To talk folks into drinking br And to join them in a round.br br John F.