Mistakenly thought I had done my best, and I was br wrong, boy was I wrong, I cannot blame anyone br but myself for failing again, M Scott Peck wrote in br his book “Road Less Travelled” that impatience is br childish and irrational, an indication that a person br cannot postpone his need to feel fulfilled - like an br adult should br br If I were not so impatient I would have printed my as- br sessment, carefully studied it, comparing, changing br and improving, note subtle nuances, the only function br my life and job have is discovering my shortcomings, br I have not started addressing them yet, only learning br how far from average I am, have yet to reach the br height of mediocre br br I am simply the most incompetent, no control over br temperament, the world is perfect, colleagues are br brilliant - their ethics impeccable – yet I cannot even br begin to emulate them, the fight for meaning in life br is too painful to continue and win, life per se is br meaningless, senseless, only spiritual truth br has any value br br But it is not possible to withdraw and search for br answers, too afraid of hunger and suffering to br follow the example of swami’s and holy men br prostrate on nails, walking over hot coals br without burning; maybe after this life in br the cycle of reincarnation, my spirit br will be better equipped br br To deal with the material world…br br Margaret Alicebr br