After I stumbled through the gauntlet, after they had hit me br As hard as they could, br Some there only because there was someone else br To be brought in, I joined them br In greeting the new ones, the frightened and longing ones, br And I punched as hard and as much as I could, something br Filling in me I would tell you was a thrill br Only because I had no better word for it. br There was another word for it: violence br Made my mother impatient with me, she would call me evil, br And I knew what she was trying to talk to me about— br How much I hated, br How much I wanted and how greedy wanting made me. br What I wanted most were better words.