ELFIS just received word from his sources monitoring the North Pole NAN channels (Naughty and Nice channels). A prominent young man named Tiger has been found singing this song as a result of improper control of his putter. ELFIS, Short for "E Long Fong I Song", the name given to Santa Tech dropout "Stewart E Pedd II" by his Elf Guru, "Elfi Ona Honda Beyonda Ponda". Re-live the real life Stu Pedd adventures in word and song as ELFIS shares his twisted journey from normal North Pole kid to Santa Technical College to elf commune. LYRICS: Oh my wife finding out is frightful, But hoochie blondes are just too delightful, A rich young man has needs too, you know, So I Text a Ho! Text a Ho! Text a Ho! I'm addicted with no signs of stopping, And there's porn stars that still need popping, So when the lights are turned way down low, I Text a Ho! Text a Ho! Text a Ho! Whomever I finally kiss goodnight How I hate not having them in my phone Cause since I learned to T9 right, All the way home I moan.